I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
