Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So. Much. Porn.
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