can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
