just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just invented taco cereal.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
