It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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