if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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