Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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