Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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