I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
