I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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