wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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