Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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