Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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