I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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