You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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