How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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