I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
