You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
