I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just come out here and I will go home with you...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
