i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
