I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
