i will never coherently bang her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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