dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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