Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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