I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize