btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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