I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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