I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
