how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
