well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
