remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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