You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
