Swine flu. Run for my life!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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