My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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