i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
