Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
