CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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