I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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