My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
there is glitter all over my balls
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