The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
