I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
vagina is talking i cant
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
