i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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