My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
