I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize