Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
