; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Pappa wants mamma naked
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
