:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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