carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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