remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
