hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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