new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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