You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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