If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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