Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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