I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
