I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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