The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
