When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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