had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
