You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
