STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
