I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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