It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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