Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
