no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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