I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
