You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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