At least make sure they are 18
Why
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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