I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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